wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
