Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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