I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
