I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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