Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
