12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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