Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
