he was CRYING into my vagina
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
