I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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