Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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