Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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