i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Welp...herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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