i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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