Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
