i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
