1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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