Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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