Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
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Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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