Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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