Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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