Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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