I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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