thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
