theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
