And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
