nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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