I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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