Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
