I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
