eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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