I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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