if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize