What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
