hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
soo... how was my night?
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