Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
