Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So vagazzling was a success
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
