I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
