dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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