I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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