hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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