Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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