I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
