he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
