so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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