Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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