this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
