i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize