why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
