At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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