someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
