Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
