He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
