i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
