There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
