Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
