I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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