This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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