Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
