after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
