I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
