love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
