is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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