I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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