saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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