there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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