Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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