my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
