because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
