Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
