like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
