Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
