Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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