Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
did i walk over a car last night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
