I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
