There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
