i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
