Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
